Took a taxi from our guesthouse in Bangkok – it’s called Lamphu Treehouse. We liked it there. The staff were helful and friendly, and they had free wireless. It took us 1 hour to get to the airport.

Our taxi driver was a character. He taught us some Thai and chuckled at our mistakes. When he found out we’re from SA, he brightened: ‘Lugby!’ He knew all the names of the Springbok team. Coins and notes of different currencies were stuck on the taxi’s dashboard.

We flew Bangkok Airlines (Air Asia is usually a cheaper option). It’s only a 45 minute flight to Ko Samui. It was amazing to fly in over ocean, the landing strip appeared so suddenly I thought we were going to plunge into sea. On the plane they played Sting’s ‘An Englishmen in New York.’

Koh Samui is very commercial. It’s a party island, like many of Thailand’s islands. Its luxury resorts provide tourists with the ultimate self-indulgence. We drove from the small airport to Chaweng, the centre. It’s very much geared towards tourists. Tourism is the number one industry in Thailand. Our taxi driver told us this island alone has 500 guesthouses and 3 million coconut trees. Who counts these things?

Accommodation in Koh Samui

Our guesthouse, Jungle Club, was only accessible by a bumpy, 4×4 ride up the mountains. Saw water buffalos. The setting was just gorgeous – with an amazing view of the whole island, coconut trees and lights of fishing boats bobbing on the water. It’s is so clear you that can see Koh Pangnan in distance. Loved swimming in the pool on a muggy night, star-gazing. The air is warm and soft like silk.

It’s a very relaxed environment. The Jungle Club team are super-chilled and Bob Marley plays constantly. At night you can hear the chirping of gecko (ge-ko, ge-ko). Our hut, at only 400 baht a night, was very basic. We tossed and turned in our hard bed.

There’s no aircon, only a fan, and a cold shower, which housed a family of geckos. (They are huge!). Their restaurant is sublime. You can sit in these treehouses lit up with red lanterns with the island spread out below you.

Shopping and Thai Massage on Koh Samui

Staying on Thailand’s islands is hedonistic experience. We went to Chaweng, which was fairly quiet since it was low season. We visited the street stalls and tried our hand at bartering. They punch a figure in a calculator and pass it on to you, and the exchange continues until you reach a price. We treated ourselves to a one hour massage on Chaweng beach. Thais use every part of their body in massage – feet soles, elbows, wrists, knees. They even stand on you! 

A 1 hour massage cost 200 baht and was well-worth it. We swam in the crystal clear, warm water and got stung by sea anenomes. I was amazed that the beach vendors are all covered up in jeans and long-sleeve shirts. Thais don’t like the sun, and the shops are stocked with anti-whitening cream.

They must think farangs (foreigners) are very odd for wanting to be darker. Pink-skinned, fat tourists doze on loungechairs, while Thais bring them drinks. It’s scary to see how overweight some tourists are. Thais see it as a sign of wealth and don’t hesitate to call someone fat, thinking it a compliment.

I saw two Thai girls with two large foreigners and they were poking at their bellies and laughing. There are lots of Thai beauties walking around with massive men, usually twice their age. They must be in heaven. Imagine, they probably lived in suits in some dreary, cold country, and now they’re wear shortsevery day (saw a few wearing boxers) with a Thai beauty riding on the back of their motorbike.

There are bars everywhere in Koh Samui advertising ‘Happy hours’ and ‘Very happy hour’. I picked up the Thai expression ‘same same’ and use it all the time now. Had brilliant pad thai (noodles) at a restaurant called Will Wait.  I’m craving cheese and bread! Prices here vary widely. The more touristy spots are pricier – it’s wise to shop around. You can get meal for as little as 30 baht.

I’ve noticed that Thais wear string around wrist (from monks apparently), amulets (“for luck” said one taxi driver), and bracelets that say ‘Long Live the King’.  There are ads everwhere for parties on nearby Koh Pangnan: Full moon party, half moon, quarter moon. Everyone’s trying to cash in.

I don’t like being perceived as a rich white tourist. Even though I’m not American one taxi driver said: “Cheap for you, you have dollars!” He refused to believe me when I said I’m really not wealthy. I haven’t seen many beggars in Thailand, and the beggars I have seen play music or try to earn their keep. People seem to scrape together a living doing anything they can. 

Cars and boats blare adverts to come watch muay tai boxing or go to a party. This is really a tourist mecca. The commercialism can get a bit much. For dinner I tried spicy glass noodle yam. I felt like my lips had been stung by bees. There are restaurants here to suit every palate, even Indian restaurants. I laughed when I saw a sign on a taxi: I speak English, I love farang.

Filed under: Travel